its not good sex unless u have to glue ur penis back on

What the fuck

(via orgasm)

4 hours ago 91,960 notes


my sister just tried to ask me if i wanted to go to bed but instead it came out “Do you need to use the sleep?”

and then she just kinda looked really horrified at herself and whispered

"Maybe i need to use the sleep"

(via myflawedfairytale)

4 hours ago 641,907 notes


repeat after me: i am a sexy bitch and no one ruins my 2014

(via orgasm)

4 hours ago 355,269 notes

(via the-absolute-funniest-posts)

4 hours ago 39,406 notes

(via thespookydoctor)

5 hours ago 574 notes
5 hours ago 5 notes


Looks like he found some amazing cereal

(via orgasm)

5 hours ago 170,343 notes




There’s this asshole who every time he sees me with my ukulele he thinks he’s funny and asks “Can you play any Metallica?” but the joke is now on him because I just learned how to play the intro riff to Master of Puppets.

I did it. I fucking did it. He asked me again just like I knew he would and I stared him straight in the eyes without blinking and just fucking shredded on my ukulele


The fucks I give

(via nonsibisedsuis)

5 hours ago 294,309 notes


you know what unpopular opinion time but i really think ryan reynolds is a great choice for deadpool and ok wolverine origins aside (which he hated the direction they took deadpool but there was only so much he could do without getting booted) he really loves deadpool’s…

5 hours ago 1,024 notes

(via mnep2une)

5 hours ago 114,387 notes

(via mnep2une)

5 hours ago 43,278 notes
304 notes




5 hours ago 304 notes